UNGRATEFUL

Salams,


I was attacked by the lazziness virus, very harmly and costly to the academic life, not to mention the personal life.

Then I've been slapped by a few blog entries - posted by many prominent muslim bloggers, the borrowed time isn't meant for me, it belongs to the al-Mighty. The written reminders must be written, for the sake of ummah, and self. Thus here I am again, wide awake with the noble intention to write very properly, alas, the ideas are shy away, running laughingly asking, daring me to cath up - while knowingly that I am too old to chase it.

Thus here are the titbits of my life - nothing juicy or scandalous as far as I am concerned - but I hope to the Ar-Rahman, it may make your day.

The library, for the first time in its long, long life, is open for 24 hours until the 4th of June 2010, the last day in the academic calendar. I was moaning to friends about its stingy opening hours for ages, yet when it is available for 24 hours 7 days a week, I do not take this advantage to stay over. Ah, the ungrateful of me. Well, I see no reason to even step into the library nowadays. I have the journals, and I am still struggling to read the books that I borrowed last year. Last year my dear. My love for library has been cold over, we used to be so inseparable, now I am thinking of the divorce.

But here I wow, I will stay overnight in the library, just to feel what it feels like - see, even my niat is not right. All right then, I'm going to study there for the sake of Allah swt.

The daffodils have been dead, and spring is waltzing with sakura now. I have snapped a few photos, but since the background is the somber grey sky that I love so much, I will put the photos when the sun is shining over the flowers. Just to honour the sun's grace. There are tulips in the town, but I have no courage to capture it, afraid of the presumption of the local people.

I have wished for the rains before. Now the pray has been granted, I am not ungrateful, but it brings with its twin which I have no affection - the cold. I thought the days of wearing thousands clothes are over, how wrong I am. But I love the misty rains, mysterious and mischievous, teasing me to dance. However, the danger of pneumonia always makes me sober. I just want the rains without the cold, quite impossible to achieve in the area of Northeast of the UK.

Lesson from all the ramblings written above? I discover another triffle human trait. How quickly we become ungrateful, after the prayers have been granted. Wanna a library open for 24 hours - and yet do not use, wanna rains for cooling down the unbearable heat, and yet when it arrives I grumble.

How true;

Al-'Araf ayat 17, "Kemudian aku akan mendatangi mereka dari muka dan dari belakang mereka, dari kanan dan dari kiri mereka. Dan engkau tidak mendapati kebanyakan mereka bersyukur."

It makes me shudder. Ya Rabb, please make me as one of your humble servants, who always pray, praise and seek forgiveness from you.

He knows my weakness. Let change it Nur!

MAHU PECAH JANTUNG

Sumber gambar dari sini.

"Belum lengkap lagi sebab seekor lagi barua tak mati iaitu Nik Aziz. Tunggu aku pi bunuh Nik Aziz dulu baru lengkap. Setan tu tak layak duduk kat muka bumi ni lagi"

"Senang bunuh orang. Tikam jer. Aku sanggup dihukum gantung jika aku dapat bunuh Nik Aziz al Dajal tu" begitulah kata-kata biadap pemuda Umno ini.

Sila click:

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Anak-Muda-Benci-Umno/342273655077?ref=sgm#!/photo.php?pid=297368&id=121691174510232

Read more: IkutSukaAku

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Salams,

Astagfirullah. Saya rasa mahu pecah jantung saya membaca kalimah-kalimah diatas. Innalillah hiwainnalilairojiun. Belum lepas satu kes, satu kes bermula. Betapa dahsyatnya keadaan di Malaysia. Mahu tau apa pandangan satu article tentang Malaysia - The police country in South East Asia. Ya, sahabat-sahabat yang dimuliakan, kita ini sudah seperti di Russia gamaknya, atau di China. Mungkin kita melaung-laungkan kita ini mengikuti konsep demokrasi dengan bangganya, tetapi hakikatnya sudah sangat jauh sebenarnya.

Tahukah apa maknanya gelaran Tuan Guru? Pak Marwan pernah berkata pada saya - Kamu tahu kah apa maksud Tuan Guru? Bagaimana mahu mendapat gelaran Tuan Guru? Alangkah mahu mendapat gelaran Professor itu sudah sangat berat, sahabat-sahabat sekalian, apatah lagi untuk mendapatkan gelaran Tuan Guru. Pastinya ilmu beliau - berbanding kita- terlampau jauh seperti langit dengan bumi.

Dimana perasaan malu anak muda ini? Apa dia tidak pernah diajar konsep malu? Malu itu, sahabat-sahabat sekalian, telah diajar oleh Nabi kita, Nabi Muhamad saw:

“Iman itu memiliki tujuh puluh cabang lebih, yang paling utama adalah ucapan laa ilaaha illallah (tiada illah yang berhak diibadahi dengan benar selain Allah), dan yang paling rendah adalah menyingkirkan gangguan jalan. Dan rasa darimalu termasuk salah satu cabang iman.”-HR Bukhari (Fathul Baari I/51), HR Muslim (Syahr An-Nawawi I/6), lafadz di atas milik Muslim dari Abu Hurairah radhiallahu’anhu.

Malu itu akhlak Islam, definasinya luas sekali, merangkumi dari segala yang paling kecil, sehingga yang paling luas. Paling mudah, Nabi Muhamad saw sudah merangkuminya dalam satu hadis:

‘Sesungguhnya salah satu perkara yang telah diketahui oleh manusia dari kalimat kenabian terdahulu adalah, ‘Jika engkau tidak malu, berbuatlah sesukamu.’” - Al-Bukhâri (no. 3483, 3484, 6120), Ahmad (IV/121, 122, V/273), Abû Dâwud (no. 4797), Ibnu Mâjah (no. 4183), ath-Thabrâni dalam al-Mu’jâmul Ausath (no. 2332), Abu Nu’aim dalam Hilyatul Auliyâ' (IV/411, VIII/129), al-Baihaqi (X/192), al-Baghawi dalam Syarhus Sunnah (no. 3597), ath-Thayâlisi (no. 655), dan Ibnu Hibbân (no. 606-at-Ta’lîqâtul Hisân).

Didalam budaya mana-mana pun diseluruh dunia ini, sopan santun sangat ditekankan. Tidak percaya, belajar sahaja dari sejarah. Buka sahaja buku-buku cerita zaman-zaman lama di Britain misalannya- hasil pena Jane Austin, bahasa tulisannya halus, merakamkan bahawa bahasa percakapannya jua halus. Buku-buku cerita zaman dahulu di Malaysia jua begitu, masih ingat lagi Malim Kundang, Hikayat Merung Mahawangsa, Hikayat Bayan Budiman, cerita-cerita rakyat untuk setiap negeri, bahkan ceritera Pak Pandir?

Ah, kita gagal mendidik anak bangsa hari ini.

Aminulrasyid. Al-Fatihah.

I couldn't believe it that he was this cute, so innocent looking, and he was in his grave now. Rest in peace -Aminulrasyid. Al-Fatihah.

What ever version you may read, and you may verdict - this boy is not your own little brother. I read bloggers who conveniently put blame on his own death - driving illegally, didn't not stop when the police asked - inevitably inviting the bullets. You may write what ever that you believe, but for goodness sake, he was only 15 years old. Do you remember your own sins when you were 15? And he wasn't your own brother. Your own little brother. You wouldn't care, because you will never face the agony of being his own mother, or elder sister.

I wonder, if he was your little brother, or your own son, what will you do then?

Haunt them, Aminulrasyid. Just go and hunt them, for the rest of their lives.

ANIMAL KINGDOMS?

Salams

I long to write, but under certain circumtances that prevent the creativity to sprout out, I am at loss. There are no absolute conditions that hinder my writing, except one: I have lost the heart to write. Not even the beauty of spring can inspire me to divulge in any kind of despair, exciting, sparkling, infuriated and tragic memoirs. The sun shines almost everyday, I know I should be grateful due to my S.A.D syndrom, but I long for a heavy rain. For once, I want to walk under the rain, immerse in its coolness, drowning in its beautiful melancholy. I am dramatic, yes. It is unbearably hot now. Given to the occurence of many natural disasters nowadays, the earth is ragingly mad, the very sign that the Judgement Day is very near. Too near.

Opening any websites, it is full of despairing stories. Horribly misery. Have you heard about or read the news about 39 palestinians (if I'm not mistaken) die due to the gas blast in the tunnel to Egypt? The news put it as only 4 people are dead, the coward papers report it in that way, way underestimate the number of death. And pray dears, who did it? The Egyptionas themselves, the muslims who are rotten inside out- who are so afraid of the sanction by the USA and the UN, but not by Allah swt. Just wait for His wraths, and all begone.

Do you read the news about a teenager who is shot by police in Malaysia? Great.

More and more babies are left out in front of the strangers' doors.

More and more murders are committed everyday.

More and more rape cases reported in every major newspapers.

More and more adultries, bribery, accidents - the very things that could lead to the loss of faith. Faith in the human essence - the decency -is no longer exist. We have became an animal community instead.

"Kami menciptakan untuk Jahanam banyak jin dan manusia; mereka mempunyai hati (otak), tetapi tidak memahami dengannya; mereka mempunyai mata, tetapi tidak melihat dengannya; mereka mempunyai telinga, tetapi tidak mendengar dengannya. Mereka adalah seperti binatang ternak; tidak, tetapi mereka lebih jauh sesat. Mereka itu, merekalah orang-orang yang lalai." (7:179)

Let's pray, my dears, for not falling under syaitan's whispers and its wicked traps.

DRAF KERTAS KEDUA

Salam Pencinta Al-Quran,

Tahukah dikau? Bahawa dikau selalu di dalam doa-doa rabitahku, kerana dosa ku yang menggunung tinggi, kerana ku tahu hanya kebaikan yang dapat menghapuskan kejahatan-kejahatan lampau, kerana ku mahu mengambil berkat mendu'akan para sahabat, kerana kamu, ya kamu, lebih dari layak mendapat rahmat dari Ar-Rahiim itu.

Saya sudah berjaya menyelesaikan paper kedua saya. Walau masih di dalam peringkat draft sahaja, alhamdulillah, syukur yang tidak terhingga kerana dengan izin-Nya, saya berjaya menulis bait-bait yang ngga mungkin pada peringkat awalnya saya berjaya tanpa pertolongan-Nya. Paper ini ngga berapa susah berbanding dengan paper yang pertama.

Saya ingat lagi, sewaktu saya dipaksa-rela belajar menggunakan program STATA, masyaAllah, mahu menangis tersedu-sedu dibahu Bonda. Saya ingat lagi, pabila model saya significance, tetapi punya signs yang salah, sepatutnya positive, tetapi negative. Saya ingat lagi, membaca kembali seluruh literature untuk mencari asbab mengapa ini berlaku. Secara theoreticalnya, ia mungkin, possible bak kata omputihnya, tapi supervisor saya ngga mahu menerima alasan itu. Dan saya ingat lagi, berhempas pulas membina model baru, berdebat dengan diri sendiri samada mahu memasukkan satu variable hingga variable yang lain, kemudiannya punya seribu satu masalah pabila diagnostic tests di lakukan. Ah, kalau mahu di list kan, dan kalau dikenang-kenangkan kembali, saya rasa, bagaimana sih saya bisa mengharungi semua ini?

Itulah kebaikan yang diturunkan oleh Allah swt. Kerana dia Maha Baik, sangat-sangat baik.

Owh Tuhanku Yang Maha Lemah-lembut, Engkau lebih tahu bahawa aku tidak layak untuk semua kebaikan-kebaikan-Mu kerana kemungkaranku, tetapi kerana Engkau adalah Tuhan, yang sifatnya ngga pernah bisa sama dengan makhluk-Mu, Engkau dengan Kemurahan-Mu!

Sujud syukur dengan limpahan air mata, dengan penuh sedar bahawa kita ini, kita ini ya sahabat-sahabat yang dimuliakan, ngga pernah ada apa-apa.

Ah, matahari sudah muncul.


Must dash!
Love, always.

UNTIL -STING

Salams,

I am stucked, still on the Malaysian trade background chapter, and after Subuh pray, I indulge myself in hedonism that I swear I've become addicted everyday - I watch sappy movies, movies that indulge my imaginations that fairies do exist, and happily every after is not only posible, it is a reality.

Washing away my frustration of not being able to write a perfect piece of writing, I watch Kate and Leopold. Time travel is the major theme of the film, with love is everything, as a background and where I do no wish to write about it. And now I listen repeatedly to a Sting's song -Until, and watching the sun rises.

I feel my heart is carried away, to the blue sky.

Am I dreaming?

I'm in the Paris, staring at the Eifel Tower, the place where exactly I listen to your voice.

SESUDAH SUBUH

Salams,

Demi kemulian-Mu, Ya Rabbul Izzati, berilah aku kekuatan menulis untuk-Mu, hanya untuk-Mu.

Masih lagi didalam penulisan untuk paper yang penuh, kebanyakannya sudah hampir selesai, tinggal untuk chapter bagi Malaysian trade. I always hate doing that chapter. Tapinya, bagaimana mungkin pembaca mahu mengetahui latar belakang paper saya?

Hari ini, saya berjaya menyelesaikan chapter untuk econometric methodology yang masih ditangguh-tangguhkan. Kemudiannya bersambung dengan chapter conclusion. Tinggal ayat-ayat terakhir, dan seperti biasa, saya akan sentiasa di'distract' oleh perkara-perkara kecil. Seperti indahnya pancaran Sang Mentari hari ini. Sambil menghirup kopi Whittard Hazelnut, saya terasa bahagia yang meluap ke seluruh ruang hati. Musim bunga ini, subhanAllah, indah sekali. InsyaAllah, kalau cuacanya baik, saya mahu ke bandar menangkap gambar. Jua ada sesuatu yang perlu saya uruskan. Mahu sekali ke taman bunga melihat keajaiban Allah swt, insyaAllah, akan dipermudahkan. InsyaAllah.

Hari ini adalah hari kedua saya tidak tidur selepas subuh, subuh disini sudah masuk pukul 3.05 minit pagi. Ya, awal sekali. Saya punya pilihan, samada saya tidur selepas maghrib, 8.20 malam, atau berjaga sahaja menunggu subuh. Tapi saya ngga mahu menghilangkan keberkatan dengan tidur selepas subuh. Ngga mahu kalah dengan ayam jantan.

Sudah ya amat panas sekarang ini. Alhamdulillah, akan saya postkan gambar-gambar di musim bunga ini ya? InsyaAllah.


Must dash!
Love, always.